Blessing? Trial? Both?

God gives us what we can handle. I had heard it a thousand times in my life, but it never sank in until now. He gives us trials, hardships, and challenges to help us learn, grow, and to better ourselves. So in the beginning when things felt impossible, when I was terrified of what could possibly be wrong with our new, perfect baby, when I caught myself thinking, "why?" I can know that he gave us what we could handle. And nothing more. 

We love Lee. He is the greatest blessing and I can't imagine life without him! But sometimes I can't help thinking that if he had come just a little later, life would've been much easier. Casey was graduating, studying for the MCAT, applying for medical school, and we had to move. All of this within the first two months of having a newborn baby. Add a pretty rough c-section recovery, and a newborn baby on oxygen, and needless to say, it was a bit of a rough start. Here I am sounding like having a newborn baby is hard. HA! I knew our little Lee was a blessing, but then why did this feel like a trial?

"Know thou, my son, that all these things shall give thee experience, and shall be for thy good."
Doctrine and Covenants 122:7

It seems like whenever I feel I've reached the end, I've gone as far as I can go, and my emotional, physical, and mental tanks are empty, Heavenly Father sends me a tender mercy. I'm starting to feel like we're mostly out of the woods of his newborn stage. But what I've realized is how grateful I am for a Heavenly Father who knows us, who wants us to grow, and who is merciful enough to bless us when he knows we've hit the limit.

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  1. You're a beautiful writer and that boy of yours is so handsome!

  2. So wonderful words from you, thank you so much! My journey, which was really horrifying at the beginning, lead me clother to myself then I ever was. My biggest dream became true. I became a mother of a wonderful healthy child. But then nothing worked out as I imagened it in my dreams. The most terrible thing was, when after 2 weeks my milk supply went down to zero and I couldnt brestfeed my baby. Wow, I never feld so bad and wrong in my life. This is 3 month ago. It was a tough journey and I learned so much on it. And I am pretty sure it isnt over yet, I learned, that it isnt important how you feed your child but it is important that you do the best you can do for your child. That you dont have to be perfect but you have to be the best version of you - but you. I am so thankful for these experiences. I chose to feed my baby organic formula and whenever anybody wants to argue about my feeding I tell them: Do your own child and argue with yourself. I am done with it.

    I wish you all the best and many lucky moments!