16.7.15

New Kid


This is all going to sound really weird, but it's one of those things that I always thought about when I was a kid, not knowing that it would be a real part of my personality as an adult.

Growing up I always wanted to move. Not because I hated where I lived, I loved where I lived! But I always liked the idea of being the new kid. You know, walking in half way through the school year, nobody knows who you are, and you get a fresh start! I always thought that sounded kind of cool. Getting to know everyone again, getting a second chance to form relationships with people, or reinvent the type of person you want to be. 

It's funny thinking back that I had that desire when I was a little kid, because sometimes I find myself thinking the same way as a 24 year old. Sometimes I just want to have never existed here, and show up again as the new girl who nobody knows. No past experiences with anyone, no preconceived ideas about anyone, just stepping on the scene brand spanking new! I feel this way sometimes when I feel like I've put too much of myself out on the internet, and I just want to disappear, or wish I had never created a social media account. Or when I think about how many people I'll never be friends with because there's "history". Or the fact that I feel like so much gossip goes on that before you even meet someone, before you actually meet them, in real life, and have real human interactions with them not on the internet, you think you already have an idea of who they are. Maybe you stalked them on Instagram and made some assumptions. Maybe you heard from someone who heard from someone they they were fake to someone at a thing, so okay I guess they're fake. That's it. Especially when you hear things about yourself that you didn't even know. Oh, I guess people are talking about me. And I guess they have the wrong impression of me. Can we start over? No? Oh well?

It's just really sad, isn't it? 

Well, it is what it is, and I'm here. And I'm happy I'm here because I'm married to my best friend and we have the best time. I've made a couple really great friends who I look forward to knowing until the day I die. I'm not perfect, but I'm trying to be better. Not everything is perfect, there's beauty in the process right? 


2 comments:

  1. Sometimes I feel like you just get me. I've thought this before too. Double like.

    ReplyDelete