3.3.15

Some People Hurt My Feelings


Valentines Day Flowers & Memories - Lots of Good Feelings

Hey remember when I was like "I'm baaaack" and then I just didn't post again? Yeah sorry about that. I have been writing a lot, which is a really good sign. Just not sure if it's stuff I want to share on my blog. Like I sorta wrote all this stuff about how I want my funeral to be. And that's just weird! So instead I'm going to write a little about how people hurt my feelings, and how I'm a real baby about it, and how I really shouldn't be.

In my entire life, I've been legitimately fired twice, and broken up with once. You could say all of these things hurt my feeling, and I took it super super personally. Which, I guess is pretty normal, because in all of these situations people were basically saying "You're no longer cool enough to hang out with us/me anymore, bye." And by cool of course I mean any number of adjectives, talented, responsible, committed, quiet, interesting, whatever.

I won't go into too much detail about the break up. They're all the same.

"Hey, I don't really want to be around you anymore."
"Wait why?"
"Just because...uhh...see ya."

More or less, that's how they usually go. But they suck. They TOTALLY SUCK. But time just happens and eventually you get over it because you realize there was something better all along! Maybe that thing was Yoga or Cake Decorating, but it's a thing, and it's better!

The first time I was "fired," and I put that into quotations because it one of the weirdest experiences of my life. I got a super rude, very mean, just overall WAY offensive email, basically telling me I am dead to them, and I had better not come crawling back for mercy, because I wouldn't deserve a crumb if I was homeless and living on the streets (again...more or less).

The email was so offensive it was almost laughable. I mean, thought "wait, do you think this is real?" I'll be honest, I probably wasn't as committed to the job as I should've been for various reasons (btw it was a short like 5hr/week freelance gig), but It's not like I was a terrible person who intentionally ruined their company and run it into the ground (they're actually doing pretty well as far as I can tell...good for them!).

The second time I was fired was almost as laughable, and maybe even more offensive. After all, I did find out during this phone conversation that the person firing me (not even the person who hired me, or supervised me) didn't know anything about me. They didn't know I had already graduated from college, they didn't know what I majored in, FOR SURE, and they surely had no idea what type of person I was, and that the reasons they were firing me would make me quite useful, and actually perfect for other businesses. AND, they said they'd pay me for the next two weeks as long as I didn't come in. THEY WERE PAYING ME TO STAY AWAY.

Both of these times took a pretty good hit to my self-esteem. I'm talking like way hard hit, like when Rocky hit that Russian dude and he was like, gone. Bad bad bad news. Crying, sobbing, just bad.

When these things happen to me, or us, or anyone really, it is so so easy to go from cloud 9 to the dirt, 6 feet under. And when this happens to me, I only make it worse.

"What is wrong with me?"
"Am I worth nothing?"
"Am I not as talented as I thought I was?"
"What am I even doing with my life?"
"Do they hate me? I hope they don't hate me. I just really can't stand the thought of someone hating me."

Shall I go on?

But in every case, I've managed to get back on my feet, and find something that makes me feel good. Talented. Worth something. And I mean, generally liked. In the case of the breakup, I mean obviously I realized the guy was NOT for me. A good guy, just not mine. And it made it even better when I found my perfect match - my husband, obviously. In the case of the first firing, with the email, I actually found out during my graduation ceremony, that they had sent the exact same email to a designer I know sitting two chair down from me, showing someone else the email. A designer who is one of the most talented people I have ever met in my life. Knowing that somehow immediately confirmed what I wanted to believe the whole time, that I'm better than where I was, and I'm capable of much more, and I was just totally in a bad situation. And most of all, that it wasn't all me. In the case of the second firing, I literally laugh every single time I think of it. Like, the more I think about the things that were said to me, the funnier it gets. Because I know I didn't belong there. I wasn't appreciated. I had so much more potential than I could ever reach there. And it was so offensive I seriously can't even believe it happened. So while this guy is sitting on the phone telling me all the reasons why he doesn't want me to work for him, he's actually just confirming all the reasons I didn't want to. And for a while I was just super super insulted more than anything, I realized that, again, it was nothing wrong with me. There were no personality flaws, talent gaps, or anything actually wrong with me that made me a bad employee. Yeah I didn't fit into what they thought made a 'good employee' but every place I've been since then has proven him 100% wrong.

My point? I shouldn't get so offended. I shouldn't get my feeling hurt by people who don't even care about me, and in most cases actually have no idea what they're talking about. I think in each of these situations, I was in the wrong place. I was with the wrong guy, so it wasn't working. I was with the wrong company, so obviously, it wasn't going to fit.

Generally, I don't care too much about what people think of me. The exception is if I care about them. If I care about some type of relationship with that person. You're not going to be liked by everyone. Hey, you might not even like everyone. Some things just don't fit. They're just not right. It doesn't mean that you're totally wrong. I mean, maybe sometimes there are little things you could probably change, like general self improvements, but whatever.

Don't let people who don't matter make you feel terrible about yourself. Just don't. If they don't matter, theres no point in crying. There's no point in letting yourself feel like total crap because someone out there doesn't see your talent, your strengths, and your potential. You don't want to be around those people anyway right? Isn't there a Pinterest quote or something about that?

8 comments:

  1. your writing is so good, i love reading your posts. you are so honest & true to who you are, it's great & this post is beyond great cause it's not everyday that people admit they get hurt feelings but we all do & you're putting a voice to that! you've got so much going for you, seriously i think you are so rad & i feel like i know you from your blog, even though i really don't, & the people that fired you are definitely idiots, same with the guy that broke up with you but like you said, it all works out how it should.

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  2. Love this, Brooke!!! Hahaha I've had one of those crazy freelance things happen to me too. It takes a while to bounce back from it. I still think the work I did for it was rockin'! Just not the right fit like you said. You're awesome! And talented! And so fun! Keep writing and doing you! Reading your blog is great! Miss you! :)

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  3. love this. stupid people will be stupid and we shouldn't let them kill our vibes :)

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  4. This. Thank you for sharing this. Why waste our energy caring about what people [who we don't even care about] think of us? I kind of felt like I wrote this while I was reading it. I too had laughable firings and breakups, and I look back at those situations like, "what?" [insert laugh-crying emoji here]. Each situation proved to be better for me than it would have been had I stayed, and those jobs/people still suck. I'm disappointed in my self for even feeling hurt by them at the time. Haha!

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  5. I just had a similar experience and I definitely needed this. Thanks for being so real, you're GR8

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  6. "Those who mind don't matter and those who matter don't mind." I got ur back.

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  7. I freakin love your writing. You're awesome.

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  8. This is amazing! I Thank you so much for sharing this :)

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