4.4.13

On A Plane


I've always enjoyed flying. I mean, when you're a little kid, flying on an airplane is probably the coolest thing you can do! It's the closest you'll ever get to flying on a rocket to the moon. I think i fell in love with flying when I took my first trip to Peru. Hours and hours of traveling, listening to music, and snaking. I'll tell you what, after three trips to Peru and back, and a trip to Austria, I'd have to say I'm pretty hard good at flying. Once I was able to get through the Salt Lake City airport from check-in to gate in 7 minutes, and that's with a bathroom break. I'll admit it, I pride myself in how efficient I can be when it comes to flying. 

Being on an airplane means you're going somewhere. It means you were willing to pay enough to get you far away from where you were. It means freedom, change, and discovering the unknown. Or, let's be honest, it's just a means to an end to get you somewhere you need to be if you hate driving 11 hours. A free cup of juice, a bag of peanuts, and the occasional hilarious flight attendant can make someone's day. But what do people actually do on flights? Do you ever wonder that? Honestly I'm just sitting here, watching people, trying to figure them out. (p.s. is anyone else ticked off that some airlines don't actually give you peanuts anymore? pretzels. I mean, I shouldn't complain, i'm getting free snacks. But how messed up is that?)


Anyway, let me tell you about the people you will find on my flight. First, the me kind of people. I'm usually a pretty friendly person. If I get to sit next to an old person, I'll usually try to talk to them and get them to tell me stories about the olden days, because come on, who doesn't love stories that start off with "well, back in my day…" And once or twice I've been known to sit by a cute guy with the intentions of actually getting to know him. I've only had one successful experience with this. It was a guy who actually wasn't that cute, but he had a fishing pole with him so I thought, hey, might as well make a friend. Plus I was dating someone at the time so I wasn't really interested. Turned out he played baseball at the same school my current boyfriend was playing hockey, and told me that I should call him up sometime while I was up there. After hearing about the amount of partying and drinking he and his friends did, I never called, but I did hear from him a few times that summer. 


Okay moving one to the girl who is sitting net to me. Well, not right next to me, because she's by the window, and I'm by the aisle. As soon as I sat down, I put my hat and jacket down in the middle seat so nobody else would try to sit here. I mean come on, look at us, two small girls and a golden middle seat, the perfect stop on this plane for any fat person. I know how these things work. Anyway, she has purple hair, and it's awesome. She also has thick white thread in her jeans, but I'm not judging her. Cosmo magazine, I can hang. Cool. She'll just sit there the whole flight and read her magazine and not talk to me or look at me and we will never have that awkward in-genuine moment where we make awkward eye contact because I'm looking at her hair and then I have to make up a whole story about how I want to dye my hair purple but my parents don't want me to but my boyfriend really wants me to and he's in a punk rock band called XpartlycloudyX and has been pressuring me to become a darker version of myself. As soon as we're allowed to take out our electronics, my laptop practically jumps out of my bag, and so does hers. Look at us! Two of a kind! guess what, she's writing too. What is she writing about? Do you think she's a blogger? Do you think she'll try to get up and use the bathroom and try to make me move? 


The rest of the people on my flight are young mothers and business people. The mothers are boring. It's a night flight, so the baby is fast asleep, and the mom is probably catching up on the latest season of Downton Abbey. The business people are almost equally as boring. Head-to-toe in business casual, then they whip out their cool little flying gadgets. THESE people actually exist! The ones that buy those stupid neck things that help you sleep sitting up. The people who actually buy alcoholic drinks on the plane. Business as usual. Nothing interesting going on there. 


While we're waiting for my plastic cup of heavily sugared cranberry juice to be delivered right to my seat, let me tell you some fun things to do on an airplane.


1. Stick your chewed gum onto the outside of the plane, and see if it's still there when you get off. You may think this is disgusting. It really is. But I have done it myself and I have seen with my own eyes that it STAYS there the whole flight. The trick is to do it when you're traveling with a group of people, so that when you're entering the plane everyone can crowd around the door and you can stick it there without anyone noticing. 


2. Push other passenger's flight attendant call buttons. This works best when you're flying with people you actually know. FIrst step is to sit behind them. Then when they're not paying attention, push their flight attendant button. When he or she comes asking what they want, you can just watch and giggle. This may sound stupid, but when you're on a 13 hour flight stupid things get funny, and at about hour 5, this will be HILARIOUS. 


3. Act like you're afraid and you think you're going to die. Okay I'm sorry but this is just funny. Leading up to take-off, just act like you're really nervous. check your watch a lot, make sure you're shaking your leg, and take a few deep breaths every once in a while. If you really want to kick it up a notch, read the emergency precautions manual, and ask the flight attendant about specific procedures. By doing this, you will start to see all the people around you become very nervous. you never know, maybe they'll move and you'll have your own row!


Oh shoot we're descending and the Portable Electronics Police is shutting me down. Hope you had a nice flight, thanks for flying with lebaroness, hope to see you again soon! 

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