26.6.12

Bach Suite Nightmares

This is a classical music post. I don't know why I don't post about classical music more often, because it is my absolute passion. If you're new to the blog, I've been playing cello for about 13 years of my life. I love it more than anything. I was raised being classically trained, but over the last year or two I started playing with various bands for shows here and there. This last year I was adopted into Robert & The Carrolls, and it's like a dream come true. I love playing with those boys and performing on stage to a crazy group of fans. It's a change up from a quiet and reverent audience of parents, students, professors, and classical music connoisseurs, but I still love it.

Anyway, back to what i was saying. Nightmares. I always have nightmares. But that's beside the point. You see, sometimes I have nightmares about the Bach Suites. Each time it's the same. I'm put in front of an extremely late audience, and I'm told I have to perform something. For some reason, the only pieces I can play are the Bach Suites, but for some reason I can't remember them. They are some of the more stressful nightmares I have. It's the fear of disappointing the audience, and disappointing myself.

Growing up I was told that if I ever wanted to be a successful cellist, I HAD to know the Bach Suites. The thing was is that I hated them more than anything. But still, I learned them. Over the years I've learned to tolerate if not love some of them.

I don't exactly know why, but I think ever since my teacher told me that thing about being successful, I've judged my success on how well I was doing with my Bach Suites. Now, lately I've been a real failure when it comes to cello, but to be honest I've been having a real struggle feeling like I was failing in my life overall! I've felt as if I was failing in every aspect of my life. And so comes the Bach Suite Nightmares. A symbol for my anxiety hahah.

What I guess I'm saying is that I'm turning a corner here. I feel some big changes happening soon. I don't know what they are but I feel them coming! Also, this has turned into sort of a worthless post. Oops?


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